Mind Blown Funny With No Caption
80 Funny witty quotes about life with mind-blowing humor. Here are the best funny witty quotes to read from famous people that will inspire you and will make you smile at the same time. Being witty is defined as using words funnily, cleverly, humorous, but not offensive. May these witty quotes about life help you feel better, spice up your day and make you smile a bit while acquiring wisdom and knowledge, in which you can also apply in real-life situations. Share these short witty quotes with your friends, family, and loved ones to inspire them as well.
1. The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas. - Linus Pauling
2. A life lived in fear is a life half-lived. - Spanish proverb
3. All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions. - Adlai E. Stevenson
4. Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right. - Henry Ford
5. When you are angry, try your best to go to sleep because it keeps you away from speaking, writing, and thinking. - Amit Kalantri
6. If money doesn't grow on trees why do bank have branches? - Anonymous
7. So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I'm a great multitasker. - Holly Hood
8. A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
9. You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions. - Naguib Mahfouz
10. Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals. - Amit Kalantri
11. Human beings aren't rational animals; we're rationalizing animals who want to appear reasonable to ourselves. - Eliot Aronson
12. I wasn't used to guys making me blush, and I wasn't sure why he even was making me blush. - Holly Hood
13. Pretending to care what men think is an art. It takes moments to learn, but lifetimes to master. I'd like to believe I'm an expert. - Dennis Sharpe
14. You should praise, criticize and flirt with people right to their face, only then it will make a difference. - Amit Kalantri
15. Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. - Peter Drucker
16. Arguing with a fool proves there are two. - Doris M. Smith
17. You noticed that I wore this outfit twice? Why, the only thing you wear twice is a sour expression. - L.M. Montgomery
18. We find comfort among those who agree with us, and growth among those who don't. - Frank A. Clark
19. I am not fat, I am just easier to see. - Anonymous
20. Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find a good one, you must one hundred try. - Claude Mermet
21. By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. - Robert Frost
22. It ain't what you know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so. - Mark Twain
23. Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
24. Improve by 1% a day, and in just 70 days, you're twice as good. - Alan Weiss
25. The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding. - Anonymous
26. Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. - Howard Aiken
27. I don't have a bad handwriting. I have my own font. - Anonymous
28. Whoever best describes a problem is the one most likely to solve it. - Dan Roam
29. Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely. - Erma Bombeck
30. Time is a great healer, but a poor beautician. - Lucille S. Harper
31. I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow. - Woodrow Wilson
32. Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions. - Criss Jami
33. What gets measured gets managed. - Peter Drucker
34. Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof. - John Kenneth Galbraith
35. Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them. - Anonymous
36. The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard P. Feynman
37. Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others. - Otto von Bismarck
38. All mankind is divided into three groups: those who are immovable; those who are movable; and those who move. - Benjamin Franklin
39. I am not arguing. I am simply explaining why I'm right. - Anonymous
40. An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
41. Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with. - Anonymous
42. The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed. - Michelangelo
43. Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration. - Thomas Alva Edison
44. Knowledge is proud she knows so much; wisdom is humble that she knows no more. - William Cowper
45. Every man is the architect of his own fortune. - Anonymous
46. We can't always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
47. He who wrestles with us, strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skills. Our antagonist is our helper. - Edmund Burke
48. If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will avoid one hundred days of sorrow. - Chinese Proverb
49. How you think when you lose determines how long it will be until you win. - Gilbert Keith Chesterton
50. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece. - Ralph Charell
51. Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups. - Anonymous
52. It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. - Charles Darwin
53. Playing it safe is the riskiest choice we can ever make. - Sarah Ban Breathnach
54. I don't let go of concepts. I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me. - Byron Katie
55. The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all. - Anonymous
56. The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make a mistake. - Elbert Hubbard
57. I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail. - Abraham Maslow
58. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. - Tom Robbins
59. If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane. - Anonymous
60. However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results. - Winston Churchill
61. I'm an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo. - Suzanne Wright
62. There is never a better measure of what a person is than what he does when he's absolutely free to choose. - William M. Bulger
63. Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. - Benjamin Disraeli
64. If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. - Woody Allen
65. Life is like a bird, it's pretty cute until it shits on your head. - Anonymous
66. My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person. He believed in me. - Jim Valvano
67. It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company. - George Washington
68. Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late. - Benjamin Franklin
69. To keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button. - Anonymous
70. If Plan A doesn't work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm. - Anonymous
71. It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? - Ronald Reagan
72. Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward. - Soren Kierkegaard
73. Maturity involves turning an insult into a feedback. - Aniekee Tochukwu Ezekiel
74. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle. - Plato
75. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. - Anonymous
76. The world hates change yet it is the only thing that has brought progress. - Charles F. Kettering
77. Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task. - William James
78. Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid. - Kim Hubbard
79. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. - Anonymous
80. I'll go anywhere as long as it's forward. - David Livingstone
Source: https://www.blissquote.com/2019/08/witty-quotes.html
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